ABSENTEE

HEY STATE OF OHIO!!!! IF YOU ARE SUPPOSEDLY STARTING ELECTIONS EARLY.....CAN YOU WORK ON GETTING ME MY ABSENTEE BALLOT IN TIME TO ACTUALLY BE ABLE TO VOTE!?!

THANKS-

ERIN SIGLER


US CITIZEN LIVING ABROAD
WHO´S VOTE ALSO COUNTS

by the way.....

I have some big news ;)

After arriving back to Cali from Indonesia on Sunday Morning I went immediately to see how Johan was recovering from his surgery. I sat down on the edge of his bed and he asked me "Erin, There´s something I´d really like to do in this moment but I can´t, would you be willing to do it for me" I said "sure"...thinking that he wanted me to get him something..... and he said "There´s something that I really want to do but I can´t so I need you to do me a huge favor, is that ok?" So I responded "of course....what is it?" "I want you to kneel next to my bed", drowsy from over 48 hrs of traveling I figured he wanted me to pray for him :)

"¿Quisieras casarte conmigo?"
(will you marry me?)

"¿Me estás hablando en serio?"
(Are you being serious?)

Then he took out the ring....

(colombian emerald, my birth stone and favorite color)

and I said yes!

and we both cried.

And we are both very excited about this next step of our lives....

more details coming soon.....

-erin and johan

Turbulence

I´ve been spending a lot of time on planes in the last several months.

In many ways this has forced me to confront a lot of inner fears.



Fears of the unknown, of not being in control.

You find your place, and attempt to make yourself comfortable, (and somewhat occupied) as you patiently wait to arrive at your current “destination.”

Many times you go through the rhythm, and things go exactly as planned and your journey moves along and you are brought back to ground.



But there are other times when you are reminded just how little control you have in the grand scheme of things.

You brace yourself for the bumps that thrust you out of your false sense of security, you grasp for whatever you can that will calm your heart and mind and fight the fear of falling.....and not knowing where you will land.



turbulence.

You trust in God.....because you have no other choice.



I feel like the last several months have been filled of important lessons for me on the “turbulence” of life. Not only through my own personal experiences, but also those around me.....

August 11th, I had 3 of my 4 wisdom teeth out, which seems like a relatively normal procedure, but little did I know that it would be the start of some real life lessons.



August 15th Johan and I decided to go grab something to eat after a long week of popsicles and mashed beans and when he was getting into his car to leave the restaurant his back literally “froze up” and felt sharp jolts of pain that caused his left leg to fall asleep, that night would be my first lesson in driving in Cali and as I took Johan to the Emergency Room and the start of some very serious back problems for him.



August 17th I nearly blacked out while making breakfast and ended up with a high fever by the end of the day, one of my teeth had gotten infected so I am placed on a stronger antibiotic, While Johan returned to the ER because his back pain continued to get worse.

August 22st Throughout the week I try to tend to Johan in his pain and then my throat infection starts.



August 25th My throat infection continues to get worse, while suddenly my entire body becomes enveloped in a rash



August 26th The Doctor is convinced that my infection is bacterial and places me on an even stronger antibiotic.



August 27th I wake up even worse and the rash is darker and more intense than the day before......I try to call Johan, who is nearly unconscious from one of the pain meds that he was given for his back, while our friends are calling paramedics to check him out, I am in the process of making doctors appointments for myself. After more than 2 weeks of one thing after another, I am feeling pretty burnt out and with the trip to Indonesia just a week away I start to panic...



August 28th After an appointment with a Dermatologist we realize that the rash is in fact an allergic reaction to the antibiotic which I stopped taking immediately before it caused any more damage.



August 31st One night as I was finally recovering, I got a phonecall from Johan in tears saying that his pain was unbearable and he wanted to call the paramedics to see what they could do for the pain. They arrived, applied various injections and left. As we were waiting for the pain meds to take effect we heard an explosion. Johan looked at me with a worried look in his eyes and said, “Erin, that was a bomb.” We both sat there speechless for a moment seemingly breathing in the fragility of life. Then we began to speculate about the possible location based on the distance of the sound and began to pray for the possible victims.


September 1st a car bomb was placed in front of the Palace of Justice in downtown Cali killing 4 people(another woman was killed by the police during raids following the bombing) and injuring over 25 others, they are currently blaming it on the FARC, but as with most occurences like this in Colombia, it is also quite possible that we may never know. Some are saying that it was just another bombing to prove that the FARC´s presence in the country but it is possible to destroy important court documents that may have been critical in many convictions related to drug cases as well.



September 2nd I travelled to Bogotá where I received news that Hector Modragón, a Colombian Mennonite econimist was mentioned in an article in the National newspaper “EL Tiempo” allegedly drawing ties with him and the FARC just days before he was scheduled to do a speaking tour in the US talking about the current free trade agreement between Colombia and the US. To read a letter written by Héctor click here



September 4th I made a visit to Cazucá a sector of displaced people south of Bogotá where we will be sending two volunteers for the Seed Program and met with several people from the local communitiy, each of them sharing their story of how they were forced to leave their homes and everything they knew to come to to barren, frigid Cazucá where they are attempting to reconstruct their lives in the midst of continuous violence and threats to their families.



During this visit I also met with a woman who is volunteering in one of the projects with the Mennonite Church there, who also living under constant threat from one of the armed groups, she was displaced over 2 years ago from another region where she had a farm and lived comfortably. Since she has come to Bogotá she has had to move more than 20 times to keep her and her family safe. While she lives in constant fear, she has chosen to serve other displaced families in Cazucá to keep herself “busy” and her mind off her own suffering.



September 5th I started the over 48 hr journey from Bogotá to Salatiga, Indonesia where I would be interpretting for a conference on healing of trauma and stress.



September 8th, MCC gathered more than 45 people from over 13 countries including Uganda, Rwanda, Bosnia, Serbia, Canada, Indonesia, Bolivia, Colombia, India, Sudan, Kenya, U.S. and Germany to talk about hope for healing in the midst of extreme suffering.



September 11th, I receive news that Johan has been admitted to a hospital because his pain from what we learned were 2 herniated discs in his lower back had gone beyond what he could handle and that the Doctors were planning on sedating him to allow him to relax while they started therapy with him.




September 12th, The conference and a week full of a myriad of enriching cross cultural conversations drew to a close and we hopped on a plane from Salatiga, Central Java to Jakarta. We arrived at the hotel around 9pm Indonesian time (12 hr difference from Colombia), I settled into my room, looking forward to getting some rest before starting the 48 trek back to Colombia and decided to check my email quickly before going to bed. When I opened my email I was quickly overwhelmed by the amount of new messages in my inbox. “They decided to operate” As I read the email, the doctors were finishing a 2 hour surgery on Johan´s spine. Surprised and somewhat shocked by the sudden change in treatment I felt like my body wasn´t big enough to hold all of concerns, emotions and general helplessness I felt in that moment.



“I´m on the other side of the globe” “There´s nothing I can do except pray that this decision was for the best”

Turbulence

You trust in God....because you have no other choice.



This entry was inspired by an experience that I had on my first flight from Bogotá to New York last week. We passed directly through a tropical storm that was going through the Carolinas and the Captain said nothing as the plane was tossed about. There were many young children who began to cry and adults who started to panic. But still the Captain and Flight atendants chose to say nothing to calm the fears of the passengers.



As much as the rational part of my brain wanted to pretend that everything was alright, there was very little that could remove the image of the plane crashing to the earth from my mind and it only made things worse that the woman sitting beside me had already delved into a full fledged panic as she grabbed onto my arm. Considering that this was only the first leg of a very long trip dominated by air travel, this experience proved to be a strong lesson in conquering fear and functioning inspite of the possible dangers that exist.

The truth is.....there is danger in EVERYTHING we do. Not just air travel. But that is no reason to stop living.

and sometimes no matter how hard we try, we simply cannot avoid the turbulence.

After the conference in Indonesia I feel like a healthy challenge has been placed in front of me. How do I embrace suffering and seek healing in my own personal life? Especially when it affects my loved ones? And when I´m helplessly stuck on the other side of the globe or 30,000 miles above the ground?


sometimes we just need to embrace it....and it will make us stronger.

Pictures from my trip to the Atlantic Coast of Colombia

Parque Tayrona, Santa Marta

Cabo de la Vela, la Guajira

Riohacha and More Cabo de la Vela, La Guajira


to see more pics from the Indonesia Trip Click here

Snapshots

I am sitting in the Southbend Airport Waiting to catch a train to Chicago where I will be flying back to Cali tomorrow.

Over the past 4 weeks I have been in


3 countries

7 airports

9 planes

10 states


I have spent over 45 hours in various different cars

I haven´t allowed myself to really feel any of the goodbyes yet.


It´s too much for me to process right now.

and I don´t want to.

I don´t want to feel the grief of letting go of Noah again and driving away not knowing if he really understands.


I don´t want to think about whether this was the last time I may see some of my grandparents

I don´t want to think about the fact that while it was a month, it still added up to a very small amount of time in the grand scheme of things.


I am overjoyed that my friends and family are spreading themselves across the world.

but my heart still aches for their companionship


I don´t want to say another goodbye.

I know that this trip was meaningful.

and that I´m continuing to grow.


but for the first time in my life I am afraid to let myself feel an “until then”

and pray that it isn´t a goodbye....


I think that is one of the areas where Colombia is changing me....

every moment is precious.


and I really feel like I value those moments much more than I did before going to Colombia.

But that does not mean that they were perfect ( you can ask my sisters )

I think that it is only natural that after spending a period of time apart, it is an adjustment when we get back together as a family again.


As I write this I am doing everything I can to hold back tears here in the company of strangers.

But at the same time.

Why does it really matter?........if I cry in front of them or not.

I don´t really want to desensitize myself to these moments


I want to feel them.

I want to feel the sadness that fills my heart every time I have to say goodbye to my family.

But I want to feel it for the longing for their day to day presence in my life....


not because of regrets.


2 days later

I missed my flight

Learning how to cope when things do not go as planned


stuck between two worlds

Not wanting to say goodbye.....

but anxious to get back to Colombia.... my other “home”



The frustration when my heart was ready to go back....and circumstances made me wait 2 more days.

I feel more like an alien here.....ni de aquí ni de allá.....


How to center myself and focus porque “me toca”.....

I miss Johan.

I want to feel like I am in “my home ”

wherever that is at this point I´m not really certain.


I am grieving the loss of my old world.

I am trying to process the slideshow of images, feelings, smells and sounds of the past month.

and more than anything my heart is left pretty jumbled.


our world is so big.

and so diverse.


On my facebook account it says that I´ve visited 11% of the globe.

Ha.

imagine what my heart would feel like if I would have visited 50% ?

I am not someone who feels things lightly

Snapshots from my trip

entering into the Miami airport and watch Colombians who had travelled with me, be taken in for questioning as we went through customs.

Arriving in Chicago O´hare to be greeted by Phil( a friend from college) who had a sign that said “thumb toes”

Laughing with Sarah Valatka and Rachel Yantzi while telling stories and shoving Pepperidge farm cookies in our mouths.


Taking in the tranquility of the cornfields as we drove into Goshen


walking down main street with my computer without fear that someone is going to rob me.

drinking Chai at the electric brew with Rachel Miller- Jacobs (my mentor and spiritual advisor from College)

Making a dream into a reality by bringing Subhekchya(one of my best friends from College) and I´s families together to Share a Nepali meal and celebrate life and friendship, thousands of miles were travelled and many tears were shed to arrive at that point


Singing in the Choir at First United Methodist on Father´s day with my mom, aunt and Ana and and watched as tears ran down my grandfather´s face

Watching my uncle Bob who has lukemia make fresh Black walnut Ice cream with my nephew eagerly helping him to turn the crank


Catching up with my Aunt Cindy and Uncle Dennis and listening to my cousin Maeve´s plans
for the future.

Observing the new dance moves that Noah acquired since I´ve been gone. (including the robot!)

Driving through Amish Country with my family and being reminded of the simple beauty of the rolling hills of Ohio.


Playing hide and go seek with my mom, Ana and Noah

Riding in the car with Noah singing at my side and sticking out his tongue, bright red from the
gummy bears he had been eating.


Driving through New Hampshire and seeing the gap in the Mountain where the “old man´s” face used to be.


Climbing through caves in the “lost river”


Convincing Noah to eat Clams for the first time in Portland Maine by telling him it was “Maine Chicken.”


Laughing with my sisters


My last night in New Hampshire, lying next to him in bed and watching him sleep, trying to memorize every detail on his face, knowing that the next time I see him he will be different, not wanting the moment to end.


sitting at the MCC Connecting people´s conference in Guatemala City surrounded by familiar faces from Goshen College, MCC orientation and various other places.

Receiving news from Johan in Colombia that his 2 yr old nephew had had some sort of “stroke” and was going through a series of tests on his brain.


The colorful Markets in Antigua and being overwhelmed by the abundance of beautifully woven textiles


Riding on a bus through Rural Guatemala and soaking in the lush green countryside as dusk approached

Seeing Volcanos for the first time at Lake Atitlán as we approached Panajachel


Staying with a Tzutuhil family in Panabaj and hearing the stories of the devastation of a mudslide that happened as a result of rains from hurricane Stan in 2005 that left more than 250 people dead and countless others without their homes


Laying on the couch at my parent´s house and chatting with my mom while watching the hummingbirds feed.


20 mile bike ride with my family through the Cuyahoga Valley National Reserve


Receiving the news that Noah failed 4 recent hearing tests and not knowing what implications it
has for the future and his hearing.


Celebrating (from a distance) the joy of the release of 15 kidnap victims in Colombia, including former presidential Candidate Ingrid Betancourt!


Drinking a Mint whip in the Swenson´s parking lot with Kristin Larsen(best friend from high school) while we caught up on the roads that our lives have taken over the past several years.

Hearing the news of the death of the “abuelita” of the Morales family in Cali, a relative of Jorge, the director of Edupaz.


Catching up with the Miller- Eshleman family (former MCCers that used to work in Cali with me) in Dover Ohio and seeing their “new” reality.


Running a 4 mile race on the 4th of July with my uncle, cousin Julia, husband and my sister Ana
celebrating the Independence that we often take for granted living in the US.


Sharing Moments with my family during the holiday



walking through an outdoor farmer´s market in Ohio listening to hammer dulcimer and enjoying the bright produce that surrounded me.


A tearful phone call from my dad as my trip came to an end

Getting together with other relatives that simply will never accept or support what I´m doing.

Avoiding a drawn out goodbye with my parents for fear that my heart might break.

My last night in Goshen, drinking Kenyan tea and savoring the taste of Cardomom while listening to Ramadhan´s stories and Subhekchya teasing him.


2 ½ phone conference with MCC discussing candidates for the Seed Program and getting more and more excited about the potential that this program has and how blessed I am to have a job that I love.


Eating Indian Food at Devon Street in Chicago with Subhekchya and Sam Tyx(an old roommate from College) and imagining that I was in India as I watched the colorful saris that passed by the window as I savored the tastes of naan and curry.

Arriving at the airport on Tuesday only to realize that I had written down the wrong departure
time and missed my flight that was immediately followed with some pretty intense sobbing by your s truly at the American Airlines desk.

2 more days in Chicago.....that originally appeared to be a curse for a heart that (I thought) was
prepared to go back to Colombia, ended up serving me as a time to sit down and finally process the myriad of experiences and feelings from the past month.


I am between two cultures.

but that´s ok.


I miss my family like crazy.

but Colombia has also become my home.

I now am writing to you from somewhere in the air above the mid-west on my flight to Miami where I will catch my connection to Cali. For those of you who continue reading this thing, I give you thanks. Something that I started simply as a way of not forgetting my experiences while in Colombia has grown to be something much more. Writing this entry has been healing for me. While many tears were shed in the process, it was something that I desperately needed to do before returning to Colombia. I am continuing to grow each day and feel very tremendously blessed for the opportunities that I have been given so far in this “cuarto de siglo.”

Blessings,
Erin


See more pics from :

Goshen

Ohio

New Hampshire

Maine

Guatemala ( album 1), (album 2)

4th of July

Milestones and New Beginnings

Dear Friends and Family,

It´s been over a month since I´ve written and a lot of changes have occured during that time. First of all I am generally feeling more settled here. Life is feeling more and more "normal" and I am falling into a routine of work and life that challeges me but allows me to rest and enjoy the blessings that occur in each day. I really can´t complain. In many senses my "spring" has arrived and I feel like I am bearing the fruits of various different labors that some of them I started so long ago that I can´t even remember when I planted the seeds.

some important dates

April 7th 2008, I accepted the position as the Facilitator for the new young adult program that will be implemented here in Colombia next year and extended my contract with MCC to July 2011 (almost 5 years in total)



May 1st, 2003 -5 years ago, I stepped on Colombian soil for the first time with a class from Goshen College.


May 2nd, I completed a year and a half living in Cali

May 3rd I celebrated 3 wonderful months to what has been a start to a very special relationship with Johan Esteban Daza Rivera, my blessing, my companion and best friend.

May 9th I complete 25 years on this earth ☺

June 6th I go home to visit my family in the US after being away for over a year!

Life is good.

The past year and a half have not been easy, but they have been filled with many important lessons that have allowed me to grow in ways that I never could have imagined.


God is Good.

So many of you are probably wondering “¿new job?” “What does that mean exactly?” “Are you leaving Cali? Are you leaving Edupaz?”

First of all the Young Adult Program will be a 2 year program with a strong emphasis in Service, Study, and Advocacy. The goal is that we will have 4 North American volunteers and 4 Latin American Volunteers located in various different regions of the country set up with service jobs in the local churches in areas such as soup kitchens, daycares, schools, afterschool programs, and care for the elderly. The idea is that this program in contrast with other similar programs will have a very intentional aspect on education and analysis. All of the placements will be in lower stratas living among Colombians who have been directly by the conflict in one way or another. Rather than simply “living” in these communities the participants will be encouraged to explore the roots of the situations existing in the different regions and how they have been affected by the conflict and in response what is their role in areas like social action and political advocacy in their home communities? Or in other words, what do they do with their acquired experiences when they´re done.

Basically my role is facilitating the pilot program here in Colombia, organizing the curriculum and training for the volunteers, and serving as a caregiver and implementing follow-up for the program. Does that make sense? If any of you really would like more information on the program and how it came about, feel free to post questions in the comment area and I will be happy to respond.

In terms of other beginnings, I´m sure you are also curious about Johan. Well we met here at the seminary where my office is located and he studies. We actually met shortly after my arrival over a year ago, however we didn´t start the process of getting to know each other better until just a few months ago. He is was born in Medellin, but has lived in various parts of Colombia including Bogotá, Armenia and Cali. He is finishing up his final semester studying theology and is an ethics and religion teacher at a local highschool and also part of the pastoral team at one of the local Presbyterian churches. He has a great sense of humor and has been a wonderful blessing to my life. We spend many hours cooking, laughing and just generally enjoying life together and we both feel that the joy of our companionship is not something that should be take lightly so we´ll see what happens in the future ☺

In general life is going well. Keeping very busy with the transition at Edupaz, just to explain a bit, I plan on staying in Cali with my new job. While I won´t be an official member of the Edupaz team, I will still be living right around the corner and plan to be a very supportive Volunteer. Jorge and Mery were very understanding and are very supportive of my new position. The discernment process for this job was not easy, but I feel like many doors were opened in the process and by the end the intuition that just made it “feel right” was too strong to ignore. It does imply more time away from my family, but luckily I will be able to work it with my budget and vacation time to try to make it home at least once a year to visit family.

Speaking of family, they have been extremely supportive. Simply put, my family is great and I could not be more fortunate in terms of being surround by unconditional love and support of my vocation. And I get to see them in a month!!! I am eagerly anticipating my trip to the states and all of the joys and challenges that it holds. I have become quite settled here in Cali and frankly the neurons in my brain have gotten pretty accustomed to conjugating and thinking about spanish word order. In other words….my english is suffering….and I´m not kidding… ☺

Oh and the birthday….Johan keeps teasing me about completing a quarter of a century (in fact it´s become my nickname….cuarto de siglo) as far as I know I don´t see a quarter life crisis (as John Mayer puts it) coming up any time soon…..I´m finding life quite enjoyable these days, not easy, but full of healthy challenges!

I hope things are well and perhaps I will even see some of you during my trip in June. Take care.

un abrazo,
erin


to see more pics from recent outings click here or here

A time to heal.

The idea was that this would be one of my more objective entries, but as I write it I am starting to realize that it might be quite the contrary….

I´m sure that many of you have heard bits and pieces of news regarding recent events involving Colombia, Ecuador and Venezuela.

Unfortunately it takes major diplomatic crisises in order to draw attention to Colombia on an international scale.

(6th of March Demonstration)

(it rained)

Over the last several months there have been various major events that have happened here that have continued to divide Colombians in terms of what exactly does the word “peace” imply and how do we get there?

(4th of February March)

To clue you in on some of these key events I have constructed a brief outline with links to BBC articles that I thought were beneficial. I encourage you to take the time to thoroughly read this entry.

-Assasination of 11 politicians held captive by the FARC in June

(No More. No to the violence, no to the kidnappings. Enough!)

-Colombia continues to be one of the most dangerous countries for Trade Unionists

- Scandal...Uribe tied to Paramilitaries?

- Chiquita Banana supported the Paramilitaries?

- Humanitarian Agreement Conversations between Chavez and the FARC

( We don´t want any more kidnappings, Free them now!)

- Proof of Hostages

- Click here to see photos

- Bickering between Uribe and Chavez




- Uribe tells Chavez to stay out

- Chavez continues to do it anyway

- Release of Clara Rojas and Consuelo Gonzalez

- Chavez says that the FARC should be taken off the list of Terrorists

- Talk of release of Ingrid Betancourt

(Ingrid Betancourt Present!)

- Current Hostage Situation

- March organized on facebook against the FARC 4 of February

- Not long before the Government takes ownership of march

- Uribe states that his plan to start moving in on the FARC by force

- Victims of Families choose not to march. Many feel that the choice to move in on the FARC could put their families in jeopardy based on what happened to the 11 kidnapped government leaders in June.

(Yes to Freedom)

- Many people question why there is a march denouncing the FARC and not the Paramilities or the countless other injustices that are occurring throughout the country. Say the the 4th of February march has been manipulated by the government and choose not to participate.

- In the meantime another march is planned for the 6th of March, denouncing the violence inflicted by the paramilitaries and on behalf of the state.

(And after the march then what?)

- Statements are made that basically if you marched on February 4th you are a supporter of Uribe and if you march on March 6th, you are a supporter of the FARC.

- Some try to petition that the march on March 6th is in support of the “victims”, but nevertheless it still continues to have an “anti-uribe/anti- paramilitary” flavor.

(The Paramilitaries, like the FARC are also Terrorists)

- Many Colombians feel very torn.

- Some choose not to participate in either and just stay at home because they feel that both have been manipulated by alternative interests.

- In the meantime on March 1st The Colombian Army entered into Ecuadorian soil and assasinated Raul Reyes,Secretariat to the FARC and 16(numbers vary depending on source) other supposed members of the FARC.

-Ecuador claims that that Colombia has trampled their rights as a sovereign nation and partners up with Venezuela in pulling their embassadors out of Colombia and sending thousands of troups to Colombian borders.




-Chavez also continues to toy with the idea of closing ties with Colombia altogether (most strikingly the talk of cutting off the business relationship) Venezuela relys heavily on importation of Colombian agricultural products.

-Colombia brings out new accusations against Chavez and his relation with the FARC.

(Assasin Forces Backed by Chavez)

- Later on, Nicaragua (chavez ally and not happy with Colombia over dispute over San Andrés) also jumps on the bandwagon.

- Summit is scheduled in the Dominican Republic on March 8th.

- Ties are mended…..for the time being.

I recognize that I have only been in Colombia a year and a half, so my perspective on the Colombian situation is still very limited.

However I have been on this earth almost a quarter of a century and I feel like that merits something.

Many of the things that have been most striking about the Colombian situation are actually reflections of things that the US needs to work on as well.

(I care about my city
I love my country
I adore my family
I want to be free)

As we rapidly approach the Presential Elections in November in the US we are faced with many of the same struggles that many Colombians are confronting in the midst of armed conflict, poverty, the drug war, humanitarian agreements, and border crisises.

APATHY

Lack of Unity

Polarization of Views

“I stand in solidarity of hatred.”

Unequal Distribution of Wealth

Major decisions being placed in the hands of a select few.

(No more inequality)

Colombia, while on a much smaller scale shares many similarities with the US:

A geographically diverse country that ranges from desert, to snow capped mountains, to atlantic breezes, pacific sunsets, sweltering heat and frigid cold and everything in between….

Filled with a population that has roots in hundreds of different indigenous groups, african slaves, european conquistadors, refugees from world war II, asian immigrants, the list goes on….

Skin, hair and eyes cover a broad spectrum of shades and hues.

The income level ranges from less than a dollar a day to millions of dollars that become so cumbersome that they must be “washed” clean.

Yes….I am still talking about Colombia.

Much like the US one begins to wonder….will they ever be able to agree?

Which side do we take?

A)Republican

or

B) Democrat?


C)The FARC



or

D) Uribe?



E) All of the Above?

F) None of the Above....Do I have to take a side?

G) Does this affect my family?

H) Ask me later…This is too much for me to think about I´m gonna go distract myself for a bit

Death is Death

The loss of a loved one by:

The Paramilitaries

A member of a Leftest Armed group

The Colombian Army

Kidnapping

Gang violence

Lack of good healthcare

Poverty

Hunger

IS ALL THE SAME

It is a LOSS and the families are left with the pain, the emptiness, the sorrow, the anger, the confusion, and the need to understand where the justice is in what happened.

A Life is a LIFE

(I am Colombia)

Contrary to popular belief, We as human beings do not have the right to say that one life is worth more than another.

The lost of a loved one by:

The September 11th attacks

Cancer

The War in Iraq

AIDS

Hurricane Katrina

Drunk Driver

Heart Attack

Drug Overdose

World War II

Suicide
IS ALL THE SAME

A loss is a LOSS.

We need to stop dividing ourselves in the losses…

placing them on the scale to see which one has more weight

Arguing more about what we stand against that what we stand for.

Focusing more on our differences than seeking out our similarities.

Whether we are talking about Humanitarian Agreements or Universal Healthcare.

It is time to humanize the situation,

It is time to stop feeding the apathy,

Recognize the voice we have

Exercise it´s strength

It is time to unite ourselves in solidarity with the victims and their families,

Because perhaps we ourselves have been a victim.





And perhaps it is time to heal.

YOU be the peace.

To see more photos from the March against the FARC from the 4th of February click here


To see more photos from the March against the Paramilitaries and Crimes on behalf of the State click here


To see photos from the most recent MCC retreat click here
and here

have it your way

heh.


-Erin

Curious about my budding acting career??

click here
for more fotos

or here for proof

My views on Pacifism

I am a pacifist not because I am a peaceful person by nature, it is quite the contrary.



It is because I believe that it is possible to move beyond our own violent nature as human beings.

But sometimes I wish the process was a little easier




With perhaps a few less steps

And not so many fallbacks


That are often linked to my own insecurities and lack of patience

It is amazing how having a 9 month old puppy has brought out sides of myself that I never even knew existed.


Most of them being ones that I would prefer to not admit to those around me

Just like children, as much as you may try you don´t get to choose the temperment of your dog.

When I first adopted him I had all kinds of ideas of how I was going to discipline him in constructive ways and without violence.

Especially since I am supposedly an advocate of active nonviolence, I should apply that to all God´s creatures, not just humans.




But unfortunately I feel like sometimes we come with the assumption that that is somehow going to be easy.

You know those well behaved children an pets all over the place….they were born that way right??

And especially for those of us(me included) who have never been in situations that have truly tested our inner violent tendencies, it is far easier for us to wear our “Pacifist” label with pride.

Thinking that I am a peaceful person, going through most days(even months) without using physical violence to achieve my established goals.



Which is great, but if those ideals have never been threatened, how can I really know if I am a peaceful person by nature.

Are any of us really peaceful people by nature?



It is a process, that perhaps we have to confront and work at daily for the rest of our lives.

And just because we are born into contexts that are more violent or peaceful in terms of daily occurences, does not mean that we as individuals are more violent or peaceful by nature based on our surroundings.

What does this mean?

Because a North American is born in a quiet middle class Caucasian Suburb in a Northern Ohio does not mean that they are more peaceful by nature than a Colombian born in a multiracial lower class district in urban Cali.




It just means that I didn´t have to confront violence at a young age and learn how to respond to it. My “peaceful” tendencies are avoidance more than anything else, while I may not have hit my neighbors, I wasn´t given constructive tools on how to resolve conflict in healthy ways either.




Disclaimer: This is in no way pointing a finger at my parents, rather more broad cultural norms that I feel that are common in the U.S.

Comparing this to the Colombian context and what many children are exposed to a young age, I don´t think that we could argue that Colombians are any more violent than North Americans.




From a psychological and anthropological perspective what we are talking about is certainly more nurture than nature.

So what does that mean.

Erin, get off your high horse ☺




You may not have exherted physical violence on another human being since you were 9 and pulled your sisters hair for calling you immature….

But when your dog repeatedly eats your clothing, bites your elbows, steps on your toes and jumps up on your friends…..your first reaction is to hit him.




Over the past several months this has becoming increasingly challenging for me. Especially now that he is really big and very strong.

For those of you who haven´t heard about my son with 4 “patas” (legs) , He is a 9 month old german shepherd mix who is very playful and often filled with energy. He is not an aggressive dog. (except when I hit him)

Funny how things like that work.




Lately it´s gotten to the point where I don´t even want to be around him and find myself tying him up when friends come over to avoid making them feel uncomfortable.

And his behavior has only gotten worse.




But over Christmas break he was practically an angel….

But I was also home almost every day and he was receiving a lot more attention.

The first day I went back to work he was home alone for 9 hours, somehow I wasn´t surprised to find myself with 2 less pairs of underwear.

I had also left my bedroom door open and ignored him as soon as I got home. And looking back….Monday morning I had chosen to sleep in instead of taking him for a run as I usually do before going to work.

Gosh….this is like a kid.

Why can´t he just want to walk with me when I want him to, bark only when he is protecting me and otherwise “sit pretty” in the corner until my friends choose to pet him.



For those of you who have ever had to train a puppy(or a child for that matter;) you´re probably laughing right now.

But it is pretty ridiculous when we allow ourselves to really reflect on situations like this. We really do think that way….that peacful people, well behaved children or pets are just flukes of nature.

God just made them that way right?

Heh.





And some might even have us fooled for a while….

But put them on a public bus that is packed to the brim with someone´s elbow digging into their stomach at 2 in the afternoon when it is 90 degrees out

Or take away their food, material posessions and security and see how they respond.




Just some food for thought…..

Tonight while writing this entry Sebastian repeatedly tried to jump up on the couch or knaw on my arm.

Didn´t he understand that I was busy writing an entry about him??





Heh.

So I set my computer on the table and sat down on the floor and played with him for about 20 minutes.

When I went back to writing again….he plopped down in the corner, fell asleep and “left me in peace”

Hmmm.

When people ask me how my puppy is doing, I often say “We are in a special learning stage.” Little do they know that referring more to myself than the dog.

And this entry is keeping me accountable…

Especially on days like today that I had to get up early and Sebas nearly ripped my arm off on the way to work because somone had left their fluffy white yip dog off the leash…

We´re on our way…not without daily lessons, but we´re on our way ;)




Peace,
Erin

(this is the "christmas" photo that most of my family received of the Happy family, little did they know the quantity of less than successful photos that we had to take first)


P.S.

The Jaguar Photos are from a parade that I was in for the Colombian version of Carnival, I was part of a dance troupe that does indigenous dances

to see more jaguar fotos click here

and a couple of the other photos are from the coffee region (a trip I took over christmas break) to see more fotos click here